ANYMALS -
What The Little One Said

Album Coming Soon..

You will fall apart again.
You will lose yourself again.
You will become the monster you feared.
And then… you will come back.
You will find yourself again.
The light and dark must face each other.

(Scroll down to read the lyrics and listen to sneak peeks.)‍ ‍ ‍

Songs for the little one inside.

I picked four animals I have always loved. The underdogs, the unappreciated ones.

These songs are conversations with the parts of me I spent my life fighting. The one who hears danger in a tone. The one who strikes first, sees the flinch, and hates herself afterward. The one who panics when she is seen and wonders if every ugly reflex reveals something true about her. The one who says sorry like existing requires permission. The one who gets tired enough to want to disappear. I kept trying to silence them. Eventually, I started listening.

I stay anyway.

Little One is the part of me underneath the reaction.

This album is what happened when I started questioning the things I believed about my own reactions. What if fear isn't weakness? What if boundaries aren't cruelty? What if panic isn't identity? What if staying counts before I know how to want to stay? What if the parts of myself I fight hardest have been trying, clumsily and fiercely, to keep me alive?

The Emotional Journey

Coyote Part 1 (Left For Dead): The survivor and the guide. She has been hunted, hurt, abandoned, and left for dead. She gets up anyway. She learns the way by going the wrong way first, and eventually learns to see the hurt carried by the ones who hurt her, without erasing what happened. Air. East. The New Moon.

Porcupine (Attack): The part that feels danger before she knows whether danger is there. She stays ready because waiting for hurt feels worse than pain. She attacks, sees them flinch, then turns the quills inward. Porcupine asks a harder question: Am I protecting the soft place, or keeping everyone from touching it? Fire. South. The Waxing Crescent.

Seahorse (Panic): The part that changes color when she is seen. Panic makes a monster out of every reflex. The shaking, the freezing, the snapping, the need to disappear. Seahorse learns that a wave can move through her without becoming who she is. She can be perceived and remain herself. Water. West. The Waxing Gibbous.

Skunk (Un-existing): The part that apologizes for taking up space. The voice that says everyone would be better without her. Skunk stays beside that part without demanding that she love being alive first. She marks a boundary in the dirt and lends Little One a reason to stay until she can find her own. Earth. North. The First Quarter.

Coyote Part 2 (Licking Wounds):The return. She falls apart again. She becomes things she once feared. She gathers the bones instead of hiding them. The work circles back, but she returns differently. At the end, Little One howls for herself. Spirit. Center. The Full Moon.

The Arc

Left For Dead → Attack → Panic → Un-existing → Licking Wounds

The survivor.
The defensive reaction and self attack.
The spiral after.
The exhaustion of existing.
The hidden healing.

I used to think healing meant getting rid of these reactions. Becoming less defensive. Less afraid. Less angry. Less sensitive. Less difficult.

Oh. Maybe this thing I hate about myself has been doing a job.

The quills had a job. The changing color had a job. The spray had a job. The howl had a job. Even the voice trying to make me disappear learned its language somewhere.

I don't want to destroy the parts of me that kept me alive. I want to understand what they learned, thank them for surviving, and teach them that we can choose now.

The quills can stay. They just don't have to steer the whole animal.

The Hidden Layers

This album is also rooted in the LBRP - the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. The animals correspond to the four directions, the four elements, and the archangels I invoke in my daily practice. Even the moon phases made it into the songs.

Track order follows the LBRP movement, while moon phase is another correspondence attached to each animal.

But you do not need to know any of that to feel these songs.

They stand on their own as conversations with the parts of us that need to be heard. The layers are there for those who want to dig deeper. For everyone else, they are just songs with animals and honest words.

I'll write more about the magickal layers in a separate blog. For now, I just want to share these before the album releases.

I Am Still Learning

I wrote these songs because I am still inside these lessons.

I still get defensive.
I still hear danger in a tone sometimes.
I still spiral after I react.
I still apologize when I've done nothing that needs an apology.
I still have days when existing feels heavier than I know how to explain.

The songs aren't proof that I figured it out.

They're what I play while I'm figuring it out.

If you have ever been hunted.
If you have ever been afraid of your own reaction.
If you have ever spiraled and felt like a monster.
If you have ever apologized for everything.
If you have ever not wanted to be here, and you stayed anyway…

These songs are for you, too.