FVNERAL of False Selves

Album Release: April 8

The second ghost I buried was DEFLECTOR.

“I’m fine. How are you?” —The question that frees me.
“I’m fine” is a door I close before they can look.

I write songs that carry me home.
Unlearning who I had to be.
Learning how to like myself.

(Scroll for the eulogies, the lyrics, and the rite.)

About FVNERAL

FVNERAL is a personal study of the Tarot’s Major Arcana — reversed.

Each track is a ghost. A false self I built to survive.
I wrote these songs to bury what no longer fit.

I started this album to learn. I didn’t know how else to sit with the cards. I could recite their names, but I couldn’t feel them. So I wrote. Each ghost became a room I could walk through. Each gate became a word I could taste.

What I’m Chewing On

My husband showed me magick years ago — the protection ritual, Crowley, the Thoth deck. I practiced what I could hold. Lon Milo DuQuette taught me I could laugh and still be serious. Louise Hay taught me I could hold anger, self‑acceptance, and forgiveness in the same breath.

But the esoteric only lives when someone chews on it long enough to make it their own. So I took Crowley and DuQuette and Louise and Abraham and a kitchen mirror and a toddler’s laugh and I turned it into my language. Now it’s in my bones, not just my head.

The Rite

The album walks through 22 ghosts, each a reversed Major Arcana, and four gates — Yod, Heh, Vav, Heh final — that teach the shape of the ritual. A seal closes the work.

I’m not here to explain the Tarot.
This work is my translation — what I saw when I let the cards read me. I’m still learning how to listen.

I’m molting as I write this. I expect my interpretations to change. I expect to change.

What Remains

When I finished the last song, I stood in my kitchen. The same spot where much of this work arrived. My mirror, a floor mat, a journal with a photo of my granny. My son was asleep. The house was quiet.

I thought about the ghosts. All the selves I buried. The Hesitator who finally stepped. The Escapist who learned to eat first. The Smotherer who let go. The Mimic who found her own voice.

They’re not enemies. They were protectors. They did their job. Now they rest.

What’s left isn’t a finished person. In fact, I feel like a mess. Some days I still freeze. Some days I still deflect. But there’s also a clearing. Space to move. Space to grow. Space to be wrong and keep going.

If you’re curious about this work — go find your own teachers. Lon Milo DuQuette’s Understanding Aleister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot is where I started. Jung is waiting. Abraham is waiting. Louise Hay is waiting. The cards are waiting.

I’m just a student, standing in a kitchen, leaving breadcrumbs.

May you find your own ghosts. May you bury them with care. May you walk forward confidently.

A little crow’s on the wire, keeping watch over you. 🐦‍⬛

— Thank you for witnessing.
Loui Crow