How to Stop Saying Sorry All the Time (Without Feeling Like a Jerk)
🪄 How to Stop Saying “Sorry”
(A Level 13 Loui Crow Exorcism for Chronic Apologizers)
✨ Content is free—but crows like snacks.
📜 Let’s Start Here:
If “sorry” is your reflex, this isn’t your fault.
But it is your spell to break.
Every time you say “sorry” when you mean “thank you”...
Every time you say “sorry” for existing, interrupting, needing, breathing, crying, asking…”
You’re shrinking your sacred signal.
And I’m not here for your shrinking, baby crow. I’m here for your rising.
Let’s go all the way in.
🧠 The Science of Why You Can’t Stop Saying Sorry
1. It’s Neurological.
Apologizing can soothe perceived social danger. Your brain’s amygdala (the fear center) sees discomfort or disapproval and screams: “MAKE IT STOP. SAY SORRY!”
It’s trying to protect you from rejection. That’s all.
2. It’s Habitual.
Every “sorry” trains your nervous system to associate safety with self-erasure. It’s muscle memory. You’ve said it a thousand times, so now it’s just… there, like a reflex. A nervous tick dressed in politeness.
3. It’s Cultural.
Especially if you’re:
Raised in a high-shame household
Taught that your needs were “too much”
A survivor of abuse, gaslighting, or emotional neglect
Then “sorry” became your invisibility cloak.
And now you wear it… even when there’s nothing to hide.
🌍 Why the World Taught You to Say It
Because the world profits off your smallness.
Little girls are praised for being quiet.
Employees are taught to keep the peace.
Children are told not to talk back.
Survivors are taught to keep secrets.
Sensitive souls are told they're "too much."
So what do we learn to say?
“Sorry.”
Sorry for being loud.
Sorry for being tired.
Sorry for needing space.
Sorry for having feelings.
Sorry for taking up room.
It’s not just language. It’s a leash.
🕳️ What “Sorry” Actually Means (When You Say It 27 Times a Day)
It doesn’t mean you regret something.
It doesn’t mean you caused harm.
It doesn’t even mean anything real anymore.
It means:
🔹 “Please don’t be mad.”
🔹 “I’m trying to stay safe.”
🔹 “I want to be liked.”
🔹 “I’m scared I’m too much again.”
That’s not an apology. That’s a trauma loop.
💡 The Reframe: What to Say Instead
Here’s what to say when “sorry” starts creeping out of your throat like a shame ghost:
When You Want to Say…
Say Instead…
“Sorry I’m late” - “Thanks for waiting”
“Sorry I’m such a mess” - “Thanks for being here while I figure this out”
“Sorry for asking” - “Thanks for listening”
“Sorry for venting” - “Thanks for holding space”
“Sorry, can I say something?” - “I’d like to add something”
“Sorry to bother you” - “Do you have a moment?”
Gratitude over guilt. Boundaries over begging. Truth over shrinking.
🔥 Banish the Word: A Spell for the Chronic Apologizer
✨ THE “SORRY NOT SORRY” BANISHING SPELL
What You’ll Need:
Your voice
A mirror
Your body (preferably with Crocs on but I don’t gatekeep)
Optional: candle, or just your righteous will
What to Do:
Stand in front of a mirror.
Look yourself in the eyes. Not your forehead. Not your nose. Your own damn soul.Say the old spell out loud once:
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m always sorry.”
Let it feel as heavy as it really is.Now clap your hands three times (you’re breaking the soundwave).
Say this new spell, with breath and clarity:
My voice matters.
My needs are real.
I don’t explain what already feels true.
I speak even when my voice shakes.
I trust the sound of my own voice.
I am here. And I’m not hiding.
Spin around once. Stomp if it feels right.
That shame spiral doesn’t live here anymore.
📚 Crow School Homework (For Extra Integration)
✍️ Journal Prompt: What was my very first memory of being told to apologize? Who taught me it was my job to keep the peace?
🪞 Mirror Practice: Every time you go to say “sorry” this week, swap it for gratitude or a boundary. Keep score. Celebrate every shift.
🎤 Voice Practice: Practice saying things out loud like:
“No, thank you.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
“I’d rather not.”
“I’ll get back to you.”
(No apology. No explanation. Just breath and boundary.)
🖤 Final Loui Word:
You are not too much.
You are not in the way.
You are not a problem to manage.
You are the spell. You are the wand. You are the altar.
And “sorry” doesn’t belong in your sacred vocabulary anymore—unless you actually harmed someone and want to repair.
Every other time?
✨ Speak like your words shape the air.
Because they do.
🪓 WHY “SORRY” BECAME A SURVIVAL LANGUAGE
When your nervous system is wired for hypervigilance, language becomes a shield.
And if you were raised to believe that love, safety, or belonging was conditional, then every “sorry” was a little magic trick.
A tiny offering.
A sacrificial flower you handed out to stay safe.
“Sorry” becomes code for:
Please don’t leave me.
Please still love me.
Please don’t blow up.
Please see me as ‘good.’
Please let me exist without punishment.
It’s not politeness—it’s programming.
Politeness doesn’t cost you your truth.
Programming does.
🧬 THE APOLOGY IMPRINT: WHERE IT LIVES IN THE BODY
Let’s get visceral.
When “sorry” slips out, where does it land?
💀 Jaw clenched?
💀 Chest tight?
💀 Voice pitched up and fake-light?
💀 Shoulders slumped to look small? (Back hurt?)
💀 Eyes scanning the room for disapproval?
That’s not a word.
That’s a nervous system contraction.
That’s your inner child ducking for cover in a conversation that never hurt them—because it reminds them of the ones that did.
When we say “sorry” reflexively, we’re not just misusing language.
We’re rehearsing trauma.
And your body doesn’t know you’re faking. It believes you.
🧙🏽♀️ THE INHERITED SPELL: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO SHRINK?
Think back.
Whose voice did your first “sorry” echo?
Was it a parent, correcting your tone?
A teacher, praising your quietness?
A friend who ghosted when you had needs?
A boss who rewarded obedience over honesty?
A religion that made suffering a virtue?
Here’s the truth most people don’t say:
Most chronic apologizers are survivors of emotional systems that punished authenticity.
The more “you” you were, the more tension it caused.
So you learned to sand down the corners.
You learned to hand out “sorry” like candy in a haunted house.
🧙♀️ SHADOW TRUTH: THE SECRET HIGH OF APOLOGIZING
Here’s the kicker, baby crow.
“Sorry” can feel good.
It gives you control.
You get to pre-emptively take the fall, dodge the blame, control the narrative.
It says: If I shame myself first, no one else can hurt me.
It’s self-protection dressed up like humility.
But here’s the cost:
“Sorry” might protect your ego, but it poisons your self-trust.
Every fake apology you whisper teaches your inner self:
I don’t trust you to speak. I’ll handle it.
That’s not healing. That’s hierarchy.
🩹 WHAT ACTUAL APOLOGY LOOKS LIKE
Let’s clarify: This isn’t about being unapologetic when you’ve actually harmed someone.
Real apology is sacred.
It’s an act of repair, not performance.
"I see how I impacted you."
"I didn’t mean to, but I hear you."
"Let’s work on it together."
"I’m sorry. I want to make this right."
That’s holy.
What we’re banishing is the false altar of performative guilt—the “sorry” that’s offered not to heal, but to avoid discomfort.
You deserve to feel uncomfortable sometimes.
That’s how you grow instead of shrink.
🪓 A NEW SPELL: DECLARATIONS TO ERASE THE SHRINK LOOP
Instead of: “Sorry I’m emotional.”
Try: “My feelings are data, not drama.”
Instead of: “Sorry I talk too much.”
Try: “I share deeply because I care deeply.”
Instead of: “Sorry I don’t know the right thing to say.”
Try: “I’m here, and I’m listening.”
🧹 SACRED TRUTH: YOU DON’T OWE THEM COMFORT
Read that again.
You do not owe people a version of yourself that feels easier for them to manage.
Sometimes your voice will shake. Sometimes your boundaries will upset someone. Sometimes your tears will make people uncomfortable.
That is not your apology to make.
🪄 THE ABSURD BANISHMENT CEREMONY (TRY IT FOR FUN OR FOR REAL)
The Sorry Jar Ritual
Every time you say “sorry” without meaning it?
Write it down.
Drop it in a literal jar.
At the end of the week, take that jar outside.
Burn the papers.
Salt the ground.
Whisper:
“I return these spells to ash.
I unhook from the need to disappear.
I do not shrink to be seen.
I rise to be real.”
Walk away like you just finished a boss fight in a glitter RPG.
🪶 ONE MORE SPELL, THEN I’LL STOP (SORRY—WAIT, NO I WON’T)
Try this out loud, today:
“I don’t say sorry for existing.
I don’t say sorry for healing.
I don’t say sorry for the space I take or the pace I need.
I say thank you. I say not today. I say no.
I say me.
I say it out loud, on purpose.”
🖤 Final, Final Loui Word (For Real This Time)
You don’t need to fix yourself.
You need to unspell yourself.
You need to peel off the layers of fake light and apology fog and rediscover the sacred noise of your full, real voice.
No more sorry.
Just softness.
Just truth.
Just breath.
Just you.
And the crow?
She hears you.
Louder now.
