IT WASN’T JUST A BAD RELATIONSHIP - It Was Abuse.
And This Is What It Actually Looked Like.
✨ Content is free—but crows like snacks.
“If it was really abuse, why did I stay?”
Because it didn’t always hurt.
Because sometimes they cried.
Because nobody told me it could sound like love while feeling like war.
Because abuse doesn’t always look like the movies.
Sometimes it looks like dinner on the table—and dead eyes across it.
This isn’t a rant.
It’s a forensic record.
This isn’t guilt.
It’s evidence.
And if your body still flinches at memories that didn’t leave bruises—
This is for you.
💣 ABUSE ISN’T A MOMENT. IT’S A SYSTEM.
Let’s start here:
Abuse is not a loss of control. It’s the application of it.
Not one bad day. Not one fight.
Not “but they were hurting too.”
It’s a structure.
A system of power, manipulation, and psychological erosion.
And just because they didn’t hit doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt.
Just because you stayed doesn’t mean you weren’t under siege.
🗂 THE 8 TYPES OF ABUSERS
Based on Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
(Translated through the black-feathered mouth of Loui Crow)
These aren’t “bad partners.”
These are patterned identities—with playbooks.
1. Mr. Right
🧠 The Intellectual Executioner
He’s smarter than you. More spiritual. More “logical.”
If you disagree? That just proves your inferiority.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re being irrational.”
💬 “You twist everything I say.”
💬 “That never happened—you just want to be a victim.”
💬 “If you read more, you’d understand.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Debates instead of discusses
– Treats your pain as irrelevant unless it's peer-reviewed
– Uses therapy language as a weapon
– Redefines your emotions as proof of incompetence
📌 Translation: “I don’t need to yell—I can erase you with reason.”
2. The Water Torturer
💧 The Calm Gaslighter
He never yells. He stays “reasonable.”
But somehow? You’re always unraveling.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re overreacting.”
💬 “You always make things worse.”
💬 “You’re imagining things again.”
💬 “I don’t remember it like that.”
💬 “You’re so emotional.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Keeps you confused without ever raising his voice
– Uses condescension instead of slurs
– Smiles while you're crying
– Makes your sanity the subject, not his behavior
📌 Translation: “If I stay calm, I’ll look like the victim.”
3. The Drill Sergeant / Demand Man
🪖 The Obedience Collector
He doesn’t want love. He wants compliance.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re not allowed to talk to her anymore.”
💬 “Why do you need makeup?”
💬 “If you respected me, you’d listen.”
💬 “I know what’s best. Don’t question me.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Monitors your time, your phone, your friends
– Shames autonomy as betrayal
– Calls independence “disrespect”
– Controls what you wear, eat, believe
📌 Translation: “My love is conditional. My rules are law.”
4. Mr. Sensitive
😢 The Empath Narcissist
He shares his feelings—so deeply you forget you’re bleeding.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re triggering me.”
💬 “I’m the one with trauma here.”
💬 “I need support—not someone who throws my issues in my face.”
💬 “You knew I was broken when we met.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Trauma-dumps to avoid accountability
– Makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries
– Uses therapy words to win arguments
– Weaponizes vulnerability like a leash
📌 Translation: “I’ll collapse into pain if it keeps you from leaving.”
5. The Player
👀 The Mirror-Flipping Manipulator
He cheats, lies, vanishes.
Then makes your reaction the problem.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re overthinking.”
💬 “You’re just jealous.”
💬 “Don’t flatter yourself—she’s just a friend.”
💬 “Why are you so insecure?”
🧷 What He Does:
– Watches porn compulsively, lies about it
– Flirts openly, then gaslights the fallout
– Ghosts, then love-bombs
– Turns your gut instincts into “paranoia”
📌 Translation: “I betray you, then shame you for noticing.”
6. Rambo
💥 The Intimidator in a Uniform
Not just physical—the atmosphere becomes a threat.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “You’re lucky I’m patient.”
💬 “Keep testing me.”
💬 “I’m a man—you don’t tell me what to do.”
💬 “Try me.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Punches walls, throws objects
– Blocks doorways
– Uses military, police, or alpha archetype to dominate
– Threatens animals, items, or friends
📌 Translation: “If I can’t control you emotionally, I’ll scare you into silence.”
7. The Terrorist
⛓️ The Emotional Hostage-Taker
Freedom = danger.
Leaving = war.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “If I can’t have you, no one will.”
💬 “I’ll kill myself if you walk away.”
💬 “God will punish you for this.”
💬 “You’re tearing this family apart.”
🧷 What He Does:
– Threatens suicide or homicide
– Sends dozens of texts, shows up at work
– Uses kids, God, or community as weapons
– Plays the victim when cops are called
📌 Translation: “I’ll destroy you or destroy myself to keep control.”
8. The Addict
🥃 The Excuse Machine
Yes, addiction is real.
But this isn’t recovery—it’s hostage maintenance.
🧪 What He Says:
💬 “I was drunk, I didn’t mean it.”
💬 “You think you’re better than me now?”
💬 “You knew what you signed up for.”
💬 “I’m trying—why isn’t that enough?”
🧷 What He Does:
– Uses relapse to avoid repair
– Makes sobriety feel like something you failed to earn
– Hides behind diagnosis
– Co-opts your compassion for cover
📌 Translation: “I’m sick enough to excuse it. Never sick enough to stop.”
🧠 WHAT THIS DOES TO YOUR BODY
You don’t need to remember every detail.
Your nervous system never forgot.
SIGNS OF NERVOUS SYSTEM ABUSE:
– Chronic fatigue
– IBS, fibromyalgia, pelvic pain
– Freezing during conflict
– Panic after “peaceful” interactions
– Shame after sex
– Collapsing to receive care
– Stair paralysis
– Blackouts
– Dissociation during affection
– Hypervigilance around “kind” people
📌 You didn’t overreact.
You adapted.
And you don’t owe anyone a tidy recovery.
🗝️ WHY SURVIVORS STAY
Because they say:
“No one else would put up with you.”
“I’ll change.”
“You’re the one I want a future with.”
Because the church said to pray harder.
Because the sex made you feel real again.
Because silence felt safer than starting over.
Because you loved them.
Because they were supposed to love you back.
Because love was the lie—and that’s what makes it hard to leave.
💌 STATEMENT OF TRUTH
“It wasn’t a disagreement. It was a domination system.”
“It wasn’t ‘just how men are.’ It was how abuse operates.”
“It wasn’t just pain. It was programming.”
“It wasn’t passion. It was control.”
“It wasn’t love. It was leverage.”
And now?
You don’t owe the silence anything.
Let the record show: You see it now. And you’re not staying small for anyone.
🕯️ RITUAL: THE MASK TO FLAME
Write the name of each archetype you encountered.
Cut a simple paper mask. Write their names across it.
Burn the mask in a flame-safe bowl.
Say:
“This was not a love story.
It was a performance.
I molt their masks from my bones.
I do not play this part anymore.”
Touch your throat. Whisper:
“Mine now.”
🪶 FINAL BLESSING FROM LOUI CROW
May your bruiseless wounds be believed.
May your nervous system relearn what “safe” feels like.
May the names they gave you burn clean off your ribs.
May every mask crack under the heat of your voice.
And may your next love—especially if it’s your own—
not require pain to feel real.
🖤
This wasn’t a meltdown.
It was a molt.
You weren’t hysterical.
You were holy.
And this?
This is the record.
📞 NEED A CROW TO TALK TO?
This is sacred.
If you need someone to talk to—someone who’s been there and didn’t have anyone?
I’m here.
This isn’t therapy.
This is a safe perch. A sacred witness. A holy no-judgment hotline.
Crow talks are free.
Always will be.
You can DM me. You can email me. You can just say “I don’t know where to start.”
And I’ll be right here—perched, soft, and listening.
🖤
Because no one should molt alone.
And no one should have to figure this out without a witness.
🪶
